2torial #0832:
Learn2 Toilet Train a Toddler

Flush with success

Toilet training can be stressful all around. Parents often worry if a child isn't trained by a certain age. Children can become anxious they're doing something wrong--or assert their independence by not cooperating. And family and friends may sound off with a dozen different ideas about the "right" time to start and the "best" way to do it.

But the right time to toilet train is when your child is ready (and they all get there), and the best method is whatever works for the child. Here's how to determine if it's the right time for your child--and what to do then.

Using the toilet is a social skill that every child learns differently--even siblings. First-born children tend to learn later than subsequent children, while girls often learn earlier than boys.

Pediatricians agree that toilet learning should start only when children are ready, and should proceed without undue pressure. Spanking, shaming, and otherwise punishing children prolongs the process, makes parents and child miserable, and may affect the child's health.

So the process might start later or take longer than you'd hoped, but the good news is you're both bound for success--so relax, and enjoy teaching your child this important skill.

Recognize readiness

So how do you know your child is ready to learn? It can happen anytime between 18 and 48 months of age, but occurs most commonly around 24 to 30 months.

Physical readiness. Children can't physically control their bladders and sphincters before they're at least 18 months old, so there's no point in starting earlier. Your child may be physically ready if he or she is:

• Dry for more than 2 hours during the day, or often dry after a nap

• Producing regular and well-formed bowel movements

• Signaling with posture, expression, or language that he or she is urinating or defecating (scrunching up the face, squatting, momentarily stopping play)

• Able to walk to the bathroom and raise and lower his or her pants

Psychological readiness. Your child may be psychologically ready if he or she:

• Is able to follow simple instructions

• Wants diapers changed promptly

• Has words for urine and bowel movements (and the acts of producing them) and for diapers

• Shows interest in using the toilet or potty, or asks to use it

• Shows interest in your toilet habits

• Asks to wear "grownup" underwear

Observe and discuss. Before they learn to use the toilet, toddlers must recognize the signs that urination or a bowel movement is coming--and that a wet, heavy diaper is the consequence. When you see signs the child is going potty, point it out. Use neutral language, such as "I noticed just now you were going potty. Did you notice that, too?" This helps make the child aware of the process rather than ashamed of it.

When you change dirty diapers, encourage the child to tell you in advance the next time he or she is about to go. It can take a while, depending on his or her readiness, before the child learns to recognize toilet events before they happen--so be patient.

False starts. Sometimes kids display readiness, but resist when you start the training. This often happens after a family stress, like moving or a new baby's arrival. Don't force the issue, but try again when you see renewed signs of readiness.

Establish a routine

When your child seems ready, procure a potty. Potties (or toilet training pots) with their own chairs are portable and easier for a child to get onto; those with seats that attach to a regular toilet may help the child make a quicker transition to full-size toilets. Make sure the seat fits your child and that it has a foot rest or stool for support during bowel movements. Avoid potties with splash guards--these may scratch a child's skin.

Taking your child along to help choose the potty, or having him or her help you set it up, can make the experience more interesting to the child.

Visit together. When your child indicates it's time, accompany him or her to the potty and offer assistance with clothes. Keep it short--staying there for more than 4 or 5 minutes can seem like punishment. If nothing happens, calmly praise the effort and let the child go back to play.

Visit regularly. It may be helpful to routinely visit the potty with your child several other times during the day:

• First thing in the morning

• After meals

• Before naps and bedtime

The child is most likely to need to go at these times, so this pattern can increase the child's chances of success.

Flushing. Kids may be fascinated by the toilet flushing, but they're often distressed that something they made--even part of themselves--is being thrown away. They may be afraid that they will be thrown away too, or that the pipe holds monsters. Don't flush until the child is off the toilet. Reassure him or her that flushing is safe and good.

Reward efforts

Positive reinforcement is usually a powerful motivator for little kids, who love to please their adults.

Ditch diapers. Many parents begin substituting training pants or regular underwear for diapers during the day when the child frequently and consistently uses the potty. The idea of wearing "big-kid" underwear can be a strong inducement to a child to use the potty, so be sure to express your admiration.

Reward and praise. Praise and admire your child's efforts, whether successful or not. Many parents find their children respond to hugs, words of praise, and small rewards, like stickers or an extra bedtime story on dry days. Be aware that if you praise or reward successes too extravagantly, however, the child may feel like a failure when he or she is less fortunate.

Try to stay patient and confident if the child seems to be losing ground. Perhaps it's not the right time now, and you can try again later.

Accept accidents

Be especially patient and positive when children wet their pants. In the early stages of training, accidents often happen right after the child leaves the potty. This can be exasperating, but it's understandable: The potty is strange and the diaper is familiar, so the child relaxes and--whoops!

Accidents can go on for months after the child is consistently using the toilet or potty, and usually happen:

• When the child is playing or is excited

• When the child is away from home

• When there's some stress in the child's life

• At night

Try to stay upbeat when accidents happen. Shaming or punishing the child can make him or her feel helpless, and may prolong this stage. Note: Children's nighttime control usually doesn't develop until months (sometimes years) after they've mastered daytime control. It's best to wait until daytime training is well established before addressing nighttime issues. (Using diapers at night usually won't undermine daytime progress.)

As with any new skill your child learns, your patience, understanding, and positive reinforcement will speed success--and make the process much more pleasant for both of you.

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