A telephone calling card

A housewarming gift

A well-packed suitcase (so you won't have to borrow clothes or personal items from your host)

A willingness to help with chores

One hour to buy a gift and work out travel details with your host, plus up to one hour of chores per day during your stay.

Be sure to bring a telephone calling card. Local calls are on your host, but guests should consider themselves responsible for any long distance calls.

Mind your host's domain. If it's obvious that the leather recliner is his or her favorite chair, don't hog it!

Depending on who you're visiting, you might consider bringing your own towels and wash cloths. It will be one less thing your host has clean during or after your stay.

2torial #0740: Learn2 Be a Gracious Houseguest A little tact will get you invited back You don't have to be the life of the party to dazzle your hosts--they'll be much more impressed if you make your bed and offer to help with the dishes. In many ways, hosts and overnight guests are engaged in a game of cat and mouse. For example, it would be rude for a host to ask you to clean up after yourself, yet it would be rude for you not to. Thoughtfulness and tact are essential ingredients of hospitality, for both those who give it and those who receive it. There aren't any hard and fast rules houseguests must follow. Some hosts want to cater to your every need, while others practice the every-man-for-himself approach. You'll need to adapt yourself to the circumstances. But no matter what your host might be like, you should be aware of the principles that govern host/guest relations so that you can take active steps toward a smooth and pleasant sojourn. Even before you cross your host's threshold, try to establish some of the ground rules for your stay, so there won't be any surprises on either side. You may need to address (tactfully, of course) one or more of the following issues: Departure time: Your invitation will probably include an arrival time, but it may be up to you to establish when it's time to go. For example, some people might assume that the weekend ends on Sunday afternoon, while others assume it's Monday morning. If you're invited just for the night, ask what your host has planned for the next day so that you don't overstay your welcome. Special needs: If you have any special sleep or dietary needs, let your host know in advance. If you have a bad back and must have a real bed instead of a couch, give your host time to accommodate you. If you spring this news on your host right at bedtime, you both might go to bed unhappy. The same goes for insomnia, food allergies, and any other ailments or special needs. Your other plans: If you're staying with one friend and want to take advantage of the opportunity to visit another, it's perfectly polite to take some time out from your host to pay a call. However, it's better to let him or her know in advance so it doesn't seem like you're simply planning an escape. What to pack: Ask your host what clothes to pack, and if you'll need any other items during your stay (i.e. a bathing suit for swimming, shoes for hiking, etc). This way you won't have to depend on your host to come up with any missing items, and you'll also get an idea for the dress code that you'll be more or less expected to follow. In addition, you'll know what to expect from the weekend, giving you time to prepare yourself physically and mentally. It might even provide an opportunity to warn your host that you hate swimming, hiking or something else they might be planning. An advanced warning is much more polite than a last-minute refusal. Bear gifts Get things off on the right foot with a small present. It shows that you've thought in advance about your hosts and are aware of the generosity that their invitation implies. Wine, flowers or candy are fine if you're just staying for dinner, but consider something more substantial if you're staying for a weekend or longer. Classic housewarming gifts include houseplants, jams, tea and coffee, and stationery--things that will last beyond your stay. If you make a dish that your host particularly likes, you can also consider bringing this instead. Offer to help Your host probably has a lot on his or her mind, and if you can take care of a few simple tasks, you could provide much-needed relief. If your host is bustling around the kitchen when you arrive, ask if you can pitch in. When a meal is over, clear the table and offer to do the dishes. If there are no limes for the drinks, offer to go to the corner store. Such gestures are helpful, but they also show your appreciation for all that the host is doing. And everyone likes to be appreciated! If your host declines your help, it would be impolite to insist. Remember that some people would feel rude if they let their guests lift a finger. So ironically, it's rude for you to force them to accept your help (even if you have the best of intentions). If they do refuse your offer, you can try a second time, but if they ask you to sit down and relax, take them at their word. Renew your offer of help at another time. Stay out of the way When you're invited into someone's home, remember that you're entering their castle... their refuge... their inner sanctum, so you should try to make your presence as unobtrusive as possible. Most homes have an elaborate set of unspoken rules about bedtime, noise levels, neatness, bathroom access, midnight snacking, and so forth. Do your best not to disrupt this regular functioning, and tune into its silent rhythms. Be especially aware at the morning bathroom rush, during meal preparation (too many cooks spoil the broth), and at bedtime. On the other hand, it's not your duty to disappear altogether. Any good host will want you to be comfortable and feel a certain degree of liberty while you're in their home, and if you're walking on egg shells, you'll make everyone uncomfortable. Clean up after yourself While you don't need to suck up every crumb with a dust buster, you shouldn't leave chaos in your wake either. Communal activities such as meals are generally the responsibility of the host (though you should offer to help), but individual messes are your responsibility. Here's a list of some things you should remember to take care of: Make your bed (even if you don't do so at home). Tidy up the bathroom. You don't have to get out the Ajax, but do wipe up spills, fold used towels and keep your own items neat and organized. Keep your luggage neat, especially if your host's home is small. Put back books, CDs and any other items you may have made use of. Send a thank you note In this age of cellular phones and email, a hand-written note--even a brief one--carries special meaning. So when you've returned home, buy a card and a stamp and express your gratitude in writing. Your card may just end up on your host's refrigerator, serving as a reminder of your stay--and your good manners. If you can't get your act together enough to send a card, an email or telephone call are better than nothing, and usually sufficient for close friends and family. If your stay lasts more than a few days, you might consider sending a gift as well as a card. If you do plan to send a present, try to figure out the perfect gift during your stay. What is missing from the host's home? What would match their tastes (or at least their color scheme)? A gift isn't a requirement, especially if you brought a housewarming present, but it's a nice touch, especially if your host went up and beyond the call of duty. Now your duties as a guest are complete, and it's time to consider when you can return the favor by playing host yourself! -end- Learn More!