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2torial #0740:
Learn2 Be
a Gracious Houseguest
A little tact will get you invited back
You don't have to be the life of the party to
dazzle your hosts--they'll be much more impressed
if you make your bed and offer to help with the
dishes.
In many ways, hosts and overnight guests are
engaged in a game of cat and mouse. For example, it
would be rude for a host to ask you to clean up
after yourself, yet it would be rude for you not
to. Thoughtfulness and tact are essential
ingredients of hospitality, for both those who give
it and those who receive it.
There aren't any hard and fast rules houseguests
must follow. Some hosts want to cater to your every
need, while others practice the
every-man-for-himself approach. You'll need to
adapt yourself to the circumstances. But no matter
what your host might be like, you should be aware
of the principles that govern host/guest relations
so that you can take active steps toward a smooth
and pleasant sojourn.
Even before you cross your host's threshold, try
to establish some of the ground rules for your
stay, so there won't be any surprises on either
side. You may need to address (tactfully, of
course) one or more of the following issues:
- Departure time: Your invitation will
probably include an arrival time, but it may be
up to you to establish when it's time to go. For
example, some people might assume that the
weekend ends on Sunday afternoon, while others
assume it's Monday morning. If you're invited
just for the night, ask what your host has
planned for the next day so that you don't
overstay your welcome.
- Special needs: If you have any
special sleep or dietary needs, let your host
know in advance. If you have a bad back and must
have a real bed instead of a couch, give your
host time to accommodate you. If you spring this
news on your host right at bedtime, you both
might go to bed unhappy. The same goes for
insomnia, food allergies, and any other ailments
or special needs.
- Your other plans: If you're staying
with one friend and want to take advantage of
the opportunity to visit another, it's perfectly
polite to take some time out from your host to
pay a call. However, it's better to let him or
her know in advance so it doesn't seem like
you're simply planning an escape.
- What to pack: Ask your host what
clothes to pack, and if you'll need any other
items during your stay (i.e. a bathing suit for
swimming, shoes for hiking, etc). This way you
won't have to depend on your host to come up
with any missing items, and you'll also get an
idea for the dress code that you'll be more or
less expected to follow. In addition, you'll
know what to expect from the weekend, giving you
time to prepare yourself physically and
mentally. It might even provide an opportunity
to warn your host that you hate swimming, hiking
or something else they might be planning. An
advanced warning is much more polite than a
last-minute refusal.
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