2torial #0719:
Learn2 Host a Wedding Shower

A premarital affair

When your friend told you she was getting married, you blurted out, "I'll give you a shower!" Now you're wondering what that means, exactly, and worrying that you'll trip up. Do you need to provide tea, cucumber sandwiches, and plenty of giggling? Or maybe you and your coworkers want to honor a betrothed colleague, but don't really know if it's proper.

Fortunately, "proper" doesn't have to be an issue if you don't want it to be. While some traditional rules remain concerning wedding showers, they're mostly rules of good sense. For instance, you can take or leave the "women only" rule (men can even have their own showers), but you still shouldn't hold a shower at the house of the busy bride-to-be.

So whether you wear your host hat gladly or can't think what got into you, we'll show you how to plan a pleasing prenuptial party. (Hint: Keep the focus on your friend, and you'll do just fine.)

What is a shower? One story of the practice's origin has it that a Dutch girl married against her family's wishes and her father withheld her dowry. Siding with the girl, the townspeople got together and "showered" her with practical presents to make up the shortfall.

Showers do emphasize gifts, but they're really about a community showing its material and emotional support for a bride (or bridal couple). Today, the "community" can be anyone--the couple's female friends and relatives, coworkers, or just their nearest and dearest. The party can be anywhere--in your living room, at a day spa, or at the ballpark. And the gifts can be anything that the bride or couple might need or want--from power tools to frilly lingerie. If the shower shows the couple that their friends are behind them and their marriage, it's a success.

Who hosts a shower? Traditionally, the maid or matron of honor or one (or more) of the bridesmaids presides over a shower. Alternatively, a female friend or family member could host. Mothers and sisters could help plan, but they could not host--lest the family appear greedy for gifts. Nowadays, these prohibitions have faded considerably, but if you're worried about propriety in your circle, ask a few people whose opinions you trust.

Since hosting a shower entails a certain amount of both work and cost, you may want to share the role with other people.