|
2torial
#0635:
Learn2
Serve as a Maid (or Matron) of Honor
Maid of honor? Show 'em what you're made
of!
They're supposed to unite two souls in a single
bond, but weddings can engender more dissension
than a congressional tax hike. That's where the
maid (or matron) of honor comes in. As the bride's
closest friend and ally, the maid of honor has a
single objective: make things go as smoothly as
possible. You're there with clear nail polish when
the bride's stockings get a snag; you throw the
bridal shower and remember who brought what gift;
you steer her friend into choosing the most
flattering dress possible; and you might even sew a
hem or two.
Like many events, weddings are growing
increasingly casual these days. However, tradition
demands a certain set of duties from the lucky
person who is chosen to be maid/matron of honor
(we'll refer to the role as MOH). The following
steps outline the essential responsibilities even
the most traditional bride could expect of you. If
you read them before you accept her offer, and
follow them to the best of your ability, you will
show yourself more than worthy of the "honor"
you've been accorded.
Accept or decline graciously. Your best friend
asks you to be her maid of honor. You are, well,
honored. But before rushing to accept, remember
that she's going to need you for more than just the
big day. You'll be expected to throw a shower,
attend all wedding-related functions and, in
general, play the role of helpmate until the day
she gets hitched (at which time the groom should
take over). That means helping her choose and fit a
gown, devise guest lists--even address
invitations.
How could you say no to your best friend? Well,
you hope you won't have to, but be realistic. If
you know that she's getting married on the weekend
your office closes the books, or you're scheduled
to receive the Nobel peace prize, you must inform
the bride-to-be of your limited availability. She
won't be offended if you make it clear that you
will do all you can. To soften the blow, remind her
that it is well within the rules of even the
strictest etiquette to have two "best women." In
fact, this practice is growing increasingly common,
as careers and family send us scattering to the
four winds.
 Throw
a bridal shower
Showers used to be the ultimate in prewedding
bridal entertainment, a time when women giggled and
hugged more than on almost any other occasion.
However, times (and women) are changing, and so you
should not strive necessarily for a Stepford
Wives-type affair. At today's showers, you're just
as likely to serve beer and nachos as tea and
watercress sandwiches. In any case, this is the
bride's party, not yours (though you ARE doing all
the work), so be sure to cater it to her
liking.
Who: Be sure to invite all the bride's
female family members as well as her close friends,
in particular the bridesmaids. While the bride
shouldn't take an active part in party planning,
she MUST be consulted about the guest list and
timing of the event.
What: The gathering does not need to be
formal. Light snacks and beverages are sufficient,
and once everyone has arrived and had a drink and a
bite to eat, the bride can begin opening presents.
Party games are suggested in order to break the
ice, but are not required.
Where: The shower is usually held in the
MOH's home, or in the home of a family member or
friend of the bride. However, it is tradition not
to hold it in the bride's home.
When: Showers are traditionally held in
the afternoon and a month or two before the wedding
date in order to keep everyone as free as possible
during the final week before the actual ceremony.
If there is no way to get enough people together
before then, make sure times do not conflict with
other wedding-week events.
 Make
yourself available
The perfect MOH is a multi-tasker. You're able
to organize a guest list, address envelopes with a
handsome cursive and pin a hem in a lacy fabric. Of
course, no one's perfect, but be prepared to help
not just with the wedding and shower, but also with
at least some of the preliminary scut-work. If you
find yourself mopping floors or cleaning toilets,
remind the bride that you aren't the maid: You're
the maid OF HONOR. But do be available in the weeks
and months leading up to the wedding to provide
relief to the bride and her family. Most of all,
you're there for moral support.
If you see the bride spinning out of control,
actively volunteer your help. Fiancées
sometimes have a hard time delegating
responsibility. Maybe they are too shy to ask for
help, or they are perfectionists who think only
they can do it right. Whatever the case, tell her
you want to help in any way you can, and if she
does not take you up on your offer right away,
offer specific times when you're available.
 Attend
all prewedding functions
The bride needs to spend all her time
entertaining guests, so stand by with lipstick,
stockings, aspirin or a stiff drink--whatever the
bride might need in a jiffy so that she is not
distracted from wooing the crowd.
 Pack
an emergency kit
While the bride is responsible for preparing a
kit for last-minute rips, spills, aches, and pains,
you should check the kit over to make sure
everything is there. Depending on how girlie-girlie
the bride might be, the kit should include some or
all of the following:
Some special dishes such as oysters have special
utensils. These can be served at the presentation
of the food, but generally are placed on the table
in order of course. When oysters are served as an
appetizer for example, set the oyster fork to the
right of the spoon.
 Walking
down the aisle (alone)
On the day of the wedding, you should attend to
the bride as she is dressing for the big event and
make sure she eats a generous prewedding meal. At
the ceremony itself, you're loosely in charge of
the other bridesmaids, making sure that they know
their roles, that their dresses are ironed, that
they're wearing the right color of nail polish, and
that they refrain from growing too rowdy (although
at some weddings this is encouraged, so check with
the bride first).
In a traditional wedding, you directly precede
the bride down the aisle and are seated next to her
during the service. Once the bride completes her
own processional, you relieve her of her bouquet.
You'll also make any adjustments to the bride's
train, should she be wearing one. If it is a
double-ring ceremony, you'll also have charge of
the groom's ring and should produce it at the right
time.
 Return
the wedding dress
At some point during the reception, the bride
may decide to slip into something more comfortable.
As the limousine whisks the happy couple to their
first conjugal visit, you become responsible for
the care of the wedding dress, making sure it's
returned safe and sound to its final home. If the
bride is keeping her bouquet, you're also in charge
of uniting it with its ultimate destination.
Now your duties are finally complete--until the
newlyweds call upon you to referee their first
spat.
-end-
Learn More!
|
