Addresses and telephone numbers of the bride, the groom, the bride's mother, the groom's best friends and his male relatives. If you don't have contact information for any of these, get in touch with whoever's sending out the wedding invitations.

An alarm clock. Make that two alarm clocks. This is one occasion where lateness will not be forgotten. Ever.

Appropriate wedding attire. Contact the wedding planners as early as possible to get the necessary wardrobe parameters. Do NOT assume that the tux you wore to your high school prom is "close enough" to what they have in mind.

A driver's license (or a chauffeur)

String and cans for the getaway car. Tin cans are the stereotype, but aluminum soda cans are just as noisy and easier to attach.

Masking tape (for attaching things to the car, and as a last-minute lint remover)

A can of foaming shaving cream (preferably the non-scented kind). Optional: a squeeze container of cake frosting.

A short, pithy speech; really, more of a toast (see Step 2).

Allocate around three full days of planning (over the course of several months) for a casual wedding, a week or so for a more traditional affair.

Don't head to the wedding without double- and triple-checking that you have the ring.

Arrive at the wedding site a full 30 to 45 minutes early.

2torial #0634: Learn2 Serve as Best Man So you're the guy that grooms the groom! Congratulations! You're someone's best friend (OK, maybe you're just his little brother, but chances are you like the guy), and you want to live up to the title of Best Man. You're going to have to do more than hand off the ring after he nudges you in the gut--in fact, you're going to have to become a master of ceremonies, constantly working behind the scenes to make the groom look as good as possible. You'll be giving speeches, throwing parties and who knows what else. Sound like a lot? Don't worry: with the help of this 2torial, you can be assured of it staying more of a honor than a hassle, despite the inevitable last-minute madness. We'll outline practically all the tasks that could be expected of you--and even provide a foolproof formula for charming the crowd when you toast the newlyweds. It may be their Big Day, but you'll definitely have your chance to shine. Of course, you're flattered when your buddy (or your brother) asks you to be his best man, but before jumping the gun, consider what you're getting yourself into. It's not like you're marrying the guy, but you ARE making a commitment, and you'll be expected to fulfill a number of duties that extend beyond the big day. Find out the wedding date and make sure that you have no other pressing commitments (a golf date doesn't qualify). Next, practice saying "yes," because the groom may have to ask a number of last-minute favors of you, from fetching tuxedoes to smoothing over legal snafus arising out from bachelor party antics. The groom is going to have a lot on his mind--you're there to allay his worries and make sure the distracted man makes himself look presentable. Remember that guests are likely to forgive a nervous groom if he walks down the aisle with his shirt untucked, but they'll wonder what kind of friend YOU are. Throw a bachelor party In the past, grooms threw their own bachelor parties, but the duty has increasingly fallen on the shoulders of the Best Man. This only makes sense, since then the groom can blame any unforeseen antics on someone else. Here are some tips: Who: Be sure to compile the invitation list with the groom present. You should invite the groom's best male friends and relatives, but double-check that they've also been invited to the wedding! If there is an older or more conservative family member who might not appreciate the sexual flavor of some of the party's activities, plan the event in two stages: first PG, then R (or X). What: It is your job to provide beer, booze and other beverages. Snacks will help stabilize blood-alcohol levels, so keep them on hand. Other activities are up to your discretion (and hopefully you'll show some). Society traditionally turns a blind eye to this last hurrah, but consider the wishes of groom, and to a certain extent, those of the bride, before engaging the services of a lap dancer. Where: The party can be held anywhere: a golf course, your home, the groom's home, his favorite bar, or any combination of these. When: Traditionally, the bachelor party is held the night before the wedding, but that could mean your friend takes his vows under the influence of a wicked hangover (see 2torial #0448 Learn2 Help a Hangover). A more practical option is to hold it the weekend before the wedding. However, those coming in from out of town might have to miss out on the fun. Discuss the various options with the groom. Write a speech Most of the time, the Best Man does best to hold his tongue, stand to the side, and do as he is told. However, he does get his 15 minutes of fame at the wedding reception, when he's expected to deliver a speech that is at once witty, heartfelt and full of hope for the young couple's future. Sounds hard, but following this three-part outline will help ease the pain. And remember, a wedding party is about the most forgiving audience you'll ever have. They'll laugh uproariously at the lamest joke and rush to congratulate you, even if you didn't project your voice beyond the icing on the wedding cake. A) Embarrass the groom Recount an embarrassing anecdote from the groom's past, but one that also manages to endear him to the audience, e.g., the pratfall he took after winning the big race. There are likely to be guests who have never even met the groom, so use this opportunity to let them know a little about his character, why you cherish his friendship, etc. B) Flatter the bride Let everyone in the room know why this particular woman is a perfect match for the groom and why they're destined for a lifetime of marital bliss. You might recount how the couple met; what tactics the groom employed to win her over; or the time he confided to you that he was in love and ready to pop the question. C) Words of hope and gratitude Thank the groom for choosing you as his best man; pay homage to the parents of the bride and/or whoever else made the wedding possible; and end with a rousing toast to the couple's future. Arrange wedding day transportation As Best Man, you are responsible for getting the groom to the wedding, ferrying the couple to the reception, and securing a ride for them to the hotel, airport or wherever they'll be spending their wedding night. Don't worry, you don't have to pay for a limo; just make sure all the arrangements have been made. If they haven't, take charge of the situation yourself, serving as driver if necessary. Attend all prewedding functions Do your best to attend the engagement party, the rehearsal dinner, tuxedo fittings and any other organized events leading up to the wedding itself. You are there to enjoy yourself, but keep an eye peeled for any potential trouble. If an ex of the groom hits the bar a few too many times and starts to look askance at the bride, intervene (tactfully, of course). Pick up tuxedos If the groom's party is wearing tuxedoes (or some other kind of costume), you'll need to either pick them up for everyone, or organize a time when everyone can meet at the rental place. No matter the wedding style, from cowboy duds to white ties and tails, it's your responsibility to make sure everyone looks presentable. Get the groom to the church on time It's better to pace a little in the parking lot than to leave the bride waiting at the altar, so set your alarm clock so that you have plenty of time to make the groom (and yourself) presentable. This may take a little extra effort if the bachelor party is held on the eve of the wedding, so plan accordingly. When you're both gussied up and ready to go, it is up to you to drive the lucky devil to the ceremony--the last thing he should do is drive. Other last-minute tasks may include brewing coffee; taking charge of luggage and travel documents (if the honeymoon begins that night); picking up boutonnieres from the bride's parents' house; even tying the groom's tie. Escort the groom down the aisle Once you arrive at the wedding site, you swing into action. Give the groom's party a once-over, making sure they have showered, shaved and learned their cues. Don't be afraid to suggest that the groom take a last-minute trip to the restroom; nerves can make you forget you need to go. When the time comes, take one last check of the groom's physical appearance, then escort him down the aisle. Make sure that the ring is secure but also easily accessible, and be prepared to deliver it up at the right moment during the service. After the knot has been tied, you should help the photographer gather to say cheese. You may also be asked to sign the wedding certificate as a witness, and perhaps deliver the fee due to the marriage officiant. Finally, you'll see the couple safely to their car, or, if there's no chauffeur, drive them yourself. Deliver your speech Actually, the speech is only the highlight. You'll have a number of things to do at the reception, including the following: A) If it's a formal wedding with a receiving line, you are in charge of corralling guests. Enlist ushers and bridesmaids to help. B) Speeches generally come right after dinner, during the so-called coffee course. This is good, because guests have been watered and fed and are generally in good humor and quick to laugh. C) The Best Man should take charge of decorating the wedding vehicle, so get together a group of people, hand them cans, string and shaving cream, and go to it. D) When the party dies down and the eager couple wants to hit the--um--road, show them to their now-unrecognizable getaway vehicle, hand over bags, travel documents and any other pertinent honeymoon-related items and wish them bon voyage. E) As a stand-in for the bride and groom, you and the maid of honor should make sure all the gifts are delivered safely to the bride's home, or that of her parents. Remember: thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his food processor, nor his gravy boat, nor his electric meat carver.   -end- Learn More!